oh do you have any idea how hard it was to maintain a positive attitude about my body while at the beach? Aughhh! I seemed to have fallen into the "comparison trap" this weekend. Why is it that, as humans, we want to compare ourselves to others? I see all these hot babes in 2 pieces and just wonder "why can't that be me?!" It will be me! That is what I kept having to tell myself all weekend. In time, it will be me. But I want to get there in a healthy way and in a way that will inspire others to want to live a healthy lifestyle. But yet, I still sometimes find myself in a place where I have a bad case of the "not good enoughs."
I was explaining to my mom that after having a baby, I seem to put my self worth and value into my appearance. I was not satisfied with my weight before pregnancy but I didn't put my self worth into it, like I seem to now. I suppose it is due to my dramatic body change after having a baby. I had a c-section after 24 hours of labor and I feel like my c-section has left me with a body that I may not have had if I had delivered normal. I am down to my prepregnancy weight but my body looks nothing like it did before pregnancy. I know I am not the only mom out there suffering with this issue. And trust me, I am doing all I can to make changes to not only my body, but my attitude and my spiritual walk. It is just one of those things that takes time!
For the first beach outing this weekend, I wore my one piece suit that is actually quite cute (turquoise and has a little skirt). But then when i asked my husband to adjust the strap, he broke it! Oops! Ok, well, I have size H cup boobs so they are not going to hold themselves up! I have always had trouble with my chest size. When I was smaller (about 120 lbs), I still had huge boobs wearing a DD! Even now, I have difficulty finding bras because I am a 36H (that is partially becuz of my weight gain during pregnancy and due to a recent history of breastfeeding). I actually go to a speciality bra shop and they are shocked that I am small around the band with these massive boobs. All my friends have always said, "well give me some of yours!" If they only knew what shirt shopping, bra shopping or swimsuit shopping was like with a chest this size! And yes, they are real. So when my suit broke, I immediately wrapped a towel around me and I was done at the beach! Sad! For the rest of the trip, I wore my workout tops with a sports bra. Speaking of sports bra, I still haven't found one that is comfortable for my chest size and that actually supports like its suppose to. I just wish I had small boobs! I hope that in losing 20 more lbs that they will shrink!
I found myself praying often this weekend that God would help me to love my body and help me to not compare my body to others. Rather, I need to praise him for my body. It may not be where I want it yet but...
I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
I am thankful that God has given me a body capable of giving life to another being.
I am thankful that God has given me a body capable of exercise.
I am thankful that God has given me a body that can transform into a healthy body.
I am thankful that God has given me a husband that is willing to adapt a healthy lifestyle with me.
Our perception of beauty has become so distorted. I see something completely different from what my husband and others see. We need to be motivated to become healthy to honor our body and because God desires it for us. But sometimes we are motivated because we are convinced that there is something wrong with us.
There is nothing wrong with us. We are fearfully and wonderfully made, remember?
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